I haven’t slept for two years because the Americans don’t know what the curtains are

When I arrived in the United States of America, (I specify that because the United Mexican States are also present and I do not want to enter into a geopolitical debate that does not suit me), This journalist is writing here She was one Gossip, 34 years old Which was distinguished, among many other things, through No caffeine addiction, His sense of humor, him Amazing fitness (Which has never been discovered by a scout in the middle of the sidewalks not located in Los Angeles) Desire to fulfill the so-called American dream.

However, friends, friends, acquaintances, acquaintances, strangers, and strangers (you always have to say hello to everyone you never know), What no one tells us about Americans to Europeans … they never sleep! Yes, I can and promise that anyone born and / or raised on American soil does not fulfill the rule of sleeping for eight hours. Well, not eight or nothing, why?

Spanish, Spanish, and European in general, in the United States No blinds.

No, no. Although they try to portray themselves as “normal” people, they are not. North Americans have a molecular sequence in their DNA that causes them to not need sleep And the first clue that led me to this conclusion (I have others, I’ll tell you about them later) is that they don’t have curtains.

What was Blind Spaniard of all the life of God. Well the same not Spanish, but that makes the room have a 100% darkness And you can Take a three-hour nap in mid-August on Sundays from 12 to 3 p.m. And you don’t even know that the sun is “burning” outside your house and You wake up only because you smell like your mom just finished paella.

[Exacto. Cambia el pienso de perro por paella y ese eres tú]

I totally remember being stunned when I was in my first apartment in Los Angeles (shared with two other girls) showing me the room and seeing that there were no curtains. I’m about to get tachycardia. I am I can only sleep if I have total darkness Because nothing goes into the sunbeam I wake up. what do you want me to say, I am like Disney princesses. He listens to a bird’s song (Helicopters in Los Angeles) And I see the light of day and sing the song of true love As I prepare breakfast to go out and fall in love with the first prince who passes by.

All of this, of course After my friends, the birds helped me make my bed and have starred in a duo that wasn’t even Chenoa and Bisbal with a blue bird.

“We don’t have this here.”A colleague of mine, an American, told me that he has traveled to Spain on numerous occasions. “So”I thought. Look, international conflicts have started with less … I thought, “So, honey,” “This is called civilization.”. Seriously, how could it be that the country that witnessed the birth of Mark Zuckenberg and Steve Jobs had no window cover system according to the 21st century? Oh shut up, is this country also the birth of Donald Trump. Well let’s move on.

[En España lo llamamos sentido del humor, otra cosa que aquí no tenéis].

Total ran to the store to buy the blinds I’m trying to block out the light. Epic failure. Also, having two curtains (the ones that decorate and let in the light and those that block it) made me feel like I’m in a hotel. I wanna feel like my home isn’t a hotel, okay? Case, because that didn’t work, They asked me to buy what was undoubtedly the invention of the devil: “vertical blinds made of classic fabric”.

[Ojalá y fuéseis mi pesadilla porque significaría que puedo dormir, aunque sea mal].

They talk in silver, and plastic bands tied with pieces that rotate and move thanks to the wand that you can see to the left of it. Do you think this takes away the light? Not a little. And I wish they were my worst nightmare because that means I can sleep. Give me the number of the person who invented this evil machine because it’s not that it doesn’t remove light, it breaks, it falls, it’s filled with dust.. Come on, a real wonder.

See, for once we agree.

But the fact that there were no curtains the way God intended is not the only evidence that led me to the conclusion that Americans are more advanced than the rest of humanity and do not need sleep. The establishments of the Starbucks chain, my friends, are open at 4:30 a.m. I repeat. Starbucks opens at 4:30 a.m. Yes, here at 10:00 p.m. they go to bed, but opening the cafeteria at dawn explains one thing: In this country he does not even sleep (Cheers for this person wherever and whenever).

[Que no, Trump, que esa no es la solución. Aunque bueno, tú ya en este país ni pinchas ni cortas, así que deja ya de aparecer en mi artículo]

What cafes open before six in the morning in Spain? Those whose main customers are taxi drivers. Sure, people who don’t sleep at night because they work. correction. But of course, another clue led me to discover that Americans do not need rest and that neither the curtains nor the “classic fabric blinds” sell sleeping masks everywhere. seriously.

And a lot, baby, and a lot. But hey, I’m from here I have already done my job warning any European who steps on the United StatesAbout the situation that awaits you here. Because of course, Let’s see if silence takes my sleep. Ah, no, I’m not sleeping. Good evening and good luck.