At times of closed public life in Germany and elsewhere, talking has become an almost strange activity. But, regardless of whether we meet someone on the street or at a party, we simply talk about the weather, or if we talk to close friends, the conversations never seem to end to the satisfaction of the participants.
In fact, it is often difficult to initiate and develop a conversation, as well as to finish it properly, according to a study by behavior researchers at Harvard University.
In two parallel studies, the scientists focused on 932 conversations. In the first study, two people who did not know each other spoke, and in the second, two acquaintances spoke. You can end conversations whenever you want. Just when and how did the investigation end.
Finally, one of the volunteers was asked what she thought when the conversation ended. When would you like to finish it? When did it really end? When did the other person want to end it?
Did he say everything?
The result was as clear as it was surprising. It does not matter if it is a known or unknown person; The conversations almost never ended at the point the participants wanted, according to the study published in the specialist journal PNAS. Whether it was a normal conversation with a stranger, or an in-depth conversation with a trusted person, nearly 70 percent of respondents said they would like to finish before speaking to the other person.
In conversations a social bond is expressed. Communication is one of the most human activities. However, during this study, the interlocutors had little idea of when the other person wanted to end the dialogue, or how much their desire was different from that of their counterparts. Even with a trusted person, we assume they know.
Almost half of the participants wanted the conversation to be 25% longer or shorter than it was.
According to the investigation, the conversations ended at a time when, in only 1.59% of cases, both individuals wanted. And 46.8% of the conversations proceeded even though one of the interlocutors had long since wanted to end. And only in 9.52% of cases did the conversation end even though they both wanted to talk more.
We hide our feelings out of kindness
The reason for this very different appreciation of dialogue situations, according to the researchers, is due to “a classic coordination problem that humans do not know how to solve, because we need information that, in general, we hide from each other. As a result, most conversations seem to end when no one wants to happen.” That. “
We make a habit of hiding our true feelings of kindness while talking. They explain that the other person should not notice that we are uncomfortable or that we feel bored. This way we maintain the relationship with others.
What is crucial in this is not our own feelings, but in a conversation we try to anticipate the potential desires of our peers. This makes it difficult for both of them to find the right moment to end the dialogue.
In order to end the dialogue without harming the relationship, we often use fabricated reasons, such as: “I have to go, I’m sorry, I have a date.” The phrase is not always correct, but that makes it easy to say goodbye.
(cp / ers)